I first got heavily interested in weightlifting back in college for the sole purpose of attaining the “perfect physique.” I watched probably hundreds of Youtube videos on a myriad of different exercises just so I could feel more confident going to the gym alone and navigating the men-dominated weight room. I would practice exercises at home and even film myself to check my mobility in different areas. I loved the way weightlifting made me look and feel. Unfortunately, this was also at a time when I struggled tremendously with my self-esteem.
As a college girl, it was hard for me to mentally live up to the type of pressure to be physically beautiful. College for me focused a lot on the superficial. What was everyone going to wear to that party? Do I need to get a new outfit before I go out tonight? That girl has so much expensive makeup – maybe I should get that same kind too? That girl looks really in shape – maybe I should do what she does to work out? I developed disordered eating patterns and even binge-eating disorder that lasted for almost 5 years.